Written By: Friday, September 9th 2016

Photo Credit Darren Whitley

Don’t get me wrong. I mean, I enjoy sex as much as the next fella.  After all, I’ve been married nearly 30 years, so sex for me, is…. well… ah…….

The point is, that at this time of the year, with my Blue Jays battling for the American League East title, watching them is, yes, better than sex. Here’s why.

Commentators:  

Jays – When you watch the Blue Jays this month, your experience is elevated and enhanced by the knowledge, experience, and professionalism of commentators.  They explain to you how Edwin just smacked a 96m.p.h. fast ball over the left-field fence, and why that guy at third base is out, when it looked like he was safe.  They keep you interested in the game, fill in all the blanks, and provide meaning and flow to the game.

 Sex – Its just the two of us.  Nobody’s telling me if I’ve even made it past second base, let alone if I was safe at first.  I’m never really sure if I hit a home run, or struck out, and what was that play the opposition (partner) just tried to execute ?  Was it legal ?  Moral ?   Just one time, I would love Buck and Tabby, and especially Gregg Zaun to tell me how I can better steal home without being caught, or if my pitches are hitting their mark.

via GIPHY

Fans:  

Jays – The Blue Jays perform in front of the biggest and best crowds. Their fans are with them, through thick and thin, success and failure.  Over 40 thousand a night see them perform.  When Jose Bautista hits a game-deciding home run, and flips his bat, a million fans in person and watching, go crazy.  He is greeted at home base with thunderous applause, high-fives and butt-slaps from a crowd of adoring team-mates.  Fans enjoy the show, guzzling beer and scarfing down tube-steaks while they watch the pros perform.

Sex –  Cue the crickets ! Except in very rare circumstances, I have no fans.  No cheering squad.  Nobody there waving a foam finger, wearing my favorite number, encouraging me on to home base.  And when I finally reach…. home…. all is quiet.  No fanfare. No applause.  No shower of 12-dollar-a-cup beer.  No high-fives (o.k. maybe once), and definitely no butt-slapping.  I wouldn’t even mind a soft chorus of boos, if I’m a little off my game that night.

via GIPHY

Striking Out:

 Jays – Justin Smoak plays first base for my Toronto Blue Jays.  He has gone to bat this year 285 times.  Of those attempts, he has struck out 107 times. Justin Smoak will bank 3.9 Million dollars this year.

Sex – My strikeout ratio is much lower than that of Justin Smoak.  Trust me.  Yet, I will bank considerably less than 3.9 Million dollars this year. How is this fair ?

Doing it Alone:

 Jays – I get some kind of strange satisfaction, from watching my Toronto Blue Jays… alone.  Just myself, in my dark basement, beer at my side, under a cozy blanket with my jammy’s on.  It can be a rewarding experience, self-analyzing the action as it unfolds, quietly cheering as the game takes shape.  It seems to start slow, but gets more exciting as the action gets more intense.  And when its over, and my boys have won, there is at that moment a great release, of joy and exaltation!

Sex – Um…. I think I’m being called.

Go Jays Go!!!!

via GIPHY